Monday, March 4

Don't Keep Yourself Hanging With Doubts

I have this hobby of writing anywhere what's in my mind while I'm at work whether it's in a piece of paper, in my notebook, in my email drafts. And today while I'm deleting something in my email drafts and I came across this short poem I've written around November last year:




Thoughts and Questions

School makes you like a machine
Will I let my work turn me like a machine?
You said you can't feel any emotions
Will I allow myself be hardened like stones as well?


People need to see each other often
Does it mean that we need not find ways to talk?
And just talk when you're around
Is that what you want in a relationship?

In this world, there are lots of thing I can't understand
Like the forever changing people's mind and heart
Will I allow them to change me too?
Will I allow them to make me a cold-heart person?

All my life I wish to be like birds in the sky
They don't worry anything for themselves
For God provides everything for them.
I wish I don't let my rational mind think like irrational being.

Realization:

Sometimes in a relationship, we tend to disregard the signs that our partner is showing to us intentionally because we tend to think that we can mend things. We try to do some repairs just to let things last for awhile. But in the end, we really have to face the reality that we really need an upgrade of the relationship by bringing up the issue of the current status of the relationship and try to find solutions on the issue at stake. If the relationship can't be mend anymore, be realistic and just let go of it because if we keep on hanging-on something and the other party will never ever bother to pull you up, you'll get tired eventually and fall into the pit of sadness and sorrow. And it will take you longer time to recover out from it. The drawback is you'll loss a lot of stuff including your self-esteem and confidence. For sure, you don't want that to happen.

Personally, things like these are one of my personal challenge, being caught up in a relationship and finding it hard to let go of someone whom I valued so much even though my brain is telling me that something is off. I've been to the pit of sorrow and sadness several times because of this attitude of mine. And this year, since my goal is to make this year my best year, I tried really hard to break this seemingly endless cycle. I tried to let go of the unnecessary baggage in my life's journey and try to mend broken bonds. 

Compared before and now, I'm fully aware now that I'm perfectly love by a perfect God regardless of my flaws. He won't ever love me less and He will always pick me up every time I stumble down. And that awareness, makes me stronger to face whatever turmoils that I'll be facing in my life's journey.

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